You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
it hurts more in the daytime
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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