Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
