You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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