i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
