oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
