I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
