I think my vagina is haunted
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
