She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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