You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
