I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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