Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
