I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
FUCK WHALES
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
