Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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