Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
