Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
