I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
