Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize