I just saw a hot homeless man
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
