I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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