Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
