and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
