if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
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