Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
