You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
