when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
