There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
