If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
