we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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