The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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