A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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