He is such a slut. More and more my type.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
