Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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