He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
