In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
sarcasm needs its own font
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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