there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
