Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
