normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
