I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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