Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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