I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
