Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
