We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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