How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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