I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
