I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize