someone threw a dead crab at me
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
