He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
