Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
