do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
