the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
