I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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