I just pynch a tree in the face
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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