I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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