Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
ttyl tear gas
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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