Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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