Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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