Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She bit a glass in half.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
