im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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