I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
