We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
