Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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