If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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