Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
