Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
