I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize