do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I am midnight drunk by noon
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
