brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
