he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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