First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
