so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
