i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
