do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
