you guys were way drunker than both of me
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
