You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
