She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
