I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
