Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
