Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
he's single and there are thong briefs.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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