LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
