We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
