So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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