If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
