I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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