So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
