We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
How's work?
Spinning.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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