Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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