Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
