I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
