I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
